I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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