Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
