I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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