My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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