Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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