I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
