I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
