Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dude i'm inner monologue high
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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