I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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