I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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