I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my phone needs a breathalizer
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
