I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My hand turned me down
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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