I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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