You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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