We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
