After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
