matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
