i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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