Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
