just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Randomize
