Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Sext me about skeletons
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
