i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
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