new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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