I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
