I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
