in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Randomize
