i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
