I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
