We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
