Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just googled if crying burns calories
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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