OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
