and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
