oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
