I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
