erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
