South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
