Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
