i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
