Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
