i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
