it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
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