Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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