Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
now i know why i became what i already was.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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