Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
