Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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