So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
