Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
50% drunk capacity currently
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
