Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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