He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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