strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
