I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
