I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
