you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
