My sheets look like a crime scene.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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