I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
and you fell through a lawn chair
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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