Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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