his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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